Sex is natural. Or so the line goes. And while it is not something to be ashamed of, some of us might need some more help than others in understanding certain aspects of it. Like everything in life, the more you know, the more places you will go… Pun intended. Let’s look at some of the easiest misconceptions and how to address them adequately.
Ignorance is not Alway Bliss
Emory walked into the relaxing coffee shop where she and her friends meet weekly as a catch-up. She had not been there last week. She just returned from her honeymoon yesterday and was a bit nervous about the get-together. Having decided to wait until marriage, sex had not quite been what she expected, and she dreaded her friends asking questions about it.
Everyone greeted Emory excitedly, happily chatting away, hugs and squeals of joy spreading around liberally. Sitting down and ordering a cappuccino, Emory relaxed as talk circled Vanessa and her new job opportunity.
Excited for her friend, Emory asked questions with the others and roared with laughter as Vanessa explained how she had been sure she had tanked the interview.
She arrived a few minutes late, had missed the bus to get to the train station, and realized halfway to the company that she had not brushed her teeth, so she rushed into the nearest pharmacy and bought a toothbrush and toothpaste.
She had then quickly brushed her teeth in the bathrooms and hurried up to the tenth floor, completely unaware that she had a toothpaste stain on her shirt. Then proceeded to tell off one of the interviewers, sure he was staring at her breasts the whole time, only to realize he had been completely distracted by the white stripe on her otherwise black shirt…
“Well,” Amanda asked from the side, “Are you going to make us ask about it?” she said, slyly glancing at Emory. Emory had been the last virgin of the group until her marriage and the five other girls were all dying to know how she experienced it.
“It was nice, I suppose,” Emory answered, trying to slide down a bit on the seat, avoiding eye contact.
“Oh no,” Vanessa said, grabbing Emory’s hand, “Did Tim not know what he was doing?”
Emory laughed at the horror that showed on her friends’ concerned faces.
“I was the virgin, remember? No, I did not know what I was doing, so I felt awkward a lot of the time. Tim was great, compassionate, and supportive. I feel like I could have done more, I suppose,” Emory finished, clearly feeling sheepish.
Learn From the Best
“Why do you say that?” Claire asked, “Did Tim hint that you should have been sexier?”
“What? No!” Emory replied, annoyed at the assumptions. Frustrated, she signed and told her friends what she had found wanting. Clearly, they will keep throwing suggestions at her until she did.
“I thought it would come naturally, you know. As everyone said it would. That I would immediately know how to act and feel.”
“Especially the feel part,” Emory continued.
“I was not always in the mood, I thought I would be now that we could, but it did not happen like that,” she confessed softly.
“Oh, hon, you have to give yourself time. You have to take into consideration that you and Tim have been suppressing your attraction for each other since you started dating. We all support your reasons for it, but it will affect your love life, at least in the beginning,” Diane said.
“That suppression will affect your body’s desire for sex since your brain has taught it not to act upon that attraction. Plus, it is more difficult for a woman to start feeling aroused if the desire is not there to start the process.” Diane added.
“Wait, desire and arousal are not the same thing?” Emory asked, confused.
“No, it is not. Desire is more like your libido that tells you that you would be open to having sex at some point, hopefully sooner rather than later,” Diane remarked, winking at Emory.
“But arousal is what happens when you and your partner start touching each other, or yourself for that matter. Am I correct in saying that you did not mind having sex once Tim started kissing you?”
“Well, no, I did not. I found it very nice, in fact.” Emory said, blushing slightly.
“See, Sugar, crises averted,” Diane said, smiling beautifully at Emory.
“Just keep practicing, and the desire will come back on its own. It will start to realize that you want it again.”
“That was not all…” Emory said, slightly abashed.
“I expected it to be a little more… I don’t know, sweep me off my feet, blow my mind type of event, like in romance novels.”
“First of all,” Sharon interjected, “Stop reading smut like that if you want to know how the real world works. If you want to read it for entertainment purposes, then sure, go on and read it, but in real life, it does not happen quite like that.”
“Trust me. I have gone through my fair share of men. Probably through some other women’s share too…” Sharon grinned in her devil-may-care way.
They all chuckled at Sharon, Claire even going so far as to laugh out loud.
“You have to throw out all pre-conceived ideas that you might have. Sometimes you can’t remember your own name afterward. Other times you wonder if you put off the toaster,” Sharon continued bluntly.
“And all this can be with the same man. It is not always only his skill that decides the outcome of the act.”
“Also, keep in mind how in tune you are with your own body and what you are busy with at the time,” Vanessa said.
“While wondering about the toaster might be relevant for a safety hazard, it does not help your body to realize that you are quite serious about the sexual stimulation part of the situation.”
“I have found that it helps me to make some sounds of pleasure while we are at it,” Vanessa said, rolling her shoulders slightly, “Others like breathing heavily or deeply or closing their eyes and concentrating on the sensations. Others like to watch. To each their own.”
“Oh shit!” Emory said softly, staring at her friends, horrified as the color drained from her face.
“I forgot to fake it…” she whispered.
Amanda bit her lip to keep from laughing but failed as Claire’s sense of humor once again made her burst out laughing. Sharon’s whispered, “The poor guy,” had the whole group weeping with laughter, trying desperately to regain composure.
‘Well, luckily,” Amanda said, drying her eyes on a tissue, “Another important factor of a healthy sex life is communication.”
“Make sure to tell Tim that only about 18% of women can reach an orgasm through intercourse alone. Then be sure to show him what else would be needed to help get you there,” Amanda concluded with a wink.
“Wait, you never reached a climax?” Claire asked, clearly affronted, “I will need to speak to Tim!”
“You will do no such thing!” Emory grasped. “I did not say that I did not reach a certain level of satisfaction. It was just not during intercourse…” Emory concluded, slightly uncomfortable with the way the conversation was going.
“Well, good,” Claire declared, “Because to keep your love life healthy, you would need some diversity. Some toys, or role-playing, an adventurous position or two..”
“I don’t think we are quite there yet…” Emory said wide-eyed, glancing at the others.
“All I am saying is keep an open mind about it. It might be a useful tool to employ later. Plus, it is perfectly acceptable, as long as both parties consent, of course,” Claire finished seriously.
“Right,” Emory said before pleading, “Could we please talk about anything else now?”
Diane took pity on her friend and started telling them about the new patio she and her husband had planned.
Conclusion
Sex does not have to be a scary or confusing topic. Ensure you get the correct information from reputable scientific resources, and you will be fine. More than fine, actually; you might just be perfect!
