We all know how painful and sometimes life-altering a break-up can be, but recent studies show that break-ups can be more than just gut-wrenching. Most people going through a break-up chalk up any weird or unusual behavior from themselves to the pain of the break-up. While other, less sympathetic people can quickly tell a broken-hearted person to stop using their break-up as an excuse. So let’s look at what the scientific data says a person can experience after a break-up.
Life After Love
Maddie signed with frustration and irritation at the chaos that surrounded her at her desk. She couldn’t find her pen under all the clutter but lacked the motivation to tidy the space to look for it, so she simply took a new one from her drawer. Empty coffee cups, four to be exact, stood between the scattered papers, and a half-eaten sandwich lay discarded on the top corner of the desk.
Maddie had a report that was due in two hours and was nowhere near completed. She felt drained and was trying to make a lackluster attempt at finishing the report on time. As distracted as she was lately, she did not dare start cleaning her space now, as she knew she would simply begin cleaning and then not finish. It would also take up much of her energy to clean, and right now she needed all that energy to complete the report.
She knew where her lack of energy came from, but at this stage, the knowledge alone did not help. She and her boyfriend of two years had broken up. It had been a complete shock to Maddie when Brian told her that he thought they should break-up. They had been in a long-distance relationship for the last six months, and Brian had not been happy for the last two of those six months. He had started a new and very demanding job and wanted to focus on what was best for him and his future.
Maddie was finding it hard to adjust to the new reality in which she found herself. She had imagined a future with Brian, and the loss was difficult to process. She could feel her co-workers and friends’ sympathetic stares, which annoyed her even more.
She knew that her behavior was different from how she usually behaved. She had always been neat and tidy, punctual and precise. She usually took pride in her organized manner and was slightly worried that she did not care that she was not tidy at this stage. But then she also did not care that she was worried… This, partly, had her convinced it was just the break-up blues. She will be fine later. Now she just kind of wanted to wallow. Glancing at the clock, she was startled to see that she had been staring into space for fifteen minutes!
Riding the Storm
Across the hall from Maddie’s desk, Stephanie was looking at Maddie and her sudden renewed purpose from her office door. A concerned frown still showed between her brows, but she kept her mouth shut. As Maddie’s direct supervisor, she had noticed a decline in productivity, which was highly unusual for Maddie. Maddie was not someone that shared her emotions readily, and Stephanie was not about to push. Still, she needed specific reports to meet their deadlines; everyone else had already submitted theirs.
Picking up her phone, she called Tim and Sandra to her office. Stephanie chewed her lip as she waited for them to arrive. She wanted to handle the situation delicately. Maddie was a great employee and normally did more than her share. The last thing she wanted was to make Maddie feel judged or not appreciated.
Stephanie motioned to Tim to close the door as he and Sandra entered. Both looked cautiously curious at the “summons” to the office. Stephanie was not a manager that constantly called people into her office.
Waiting for them to sit, Stephanie drew a breath before enquiring about their progress in the project. As expected, both were done and had started research on the new project as they always did.
“I would like you to help Maddie finish her report and her graphs that will contribute to the project presentation tomorrow,” Stephanie said.
“Is she behind?” Tim asked, puzzled. “She is never behind,” he says before anyone can answer, confusion still showing on his face.
Sandra rolls her eyes and signs in an exaggerated attempt to sound condescending.
“It’s about her break-up, isn’t it?” she whispers, even though the door is closed. Upon realizing that Stephanie and Tim are looking at her weirdly, she tries to change course. “Poor thing is not coping,” she adds, trying to look empathetic but failing miserably to keep the salacious gleam out of her eyes.
Stephanie frowns in displeasure at Sanda’s catty behavior. She knew that Maddie and Sandra were not friends and had sometimes been rivals for promotions. Realizing her mistake in calling Sandra, she immediately dismisses her.
“You can go,” Stephanie says resolutely, pointing towards the door.
“Well, I…” Sandra starts, but Stephanie interrupts her before she could finish her sentence.
“How I deal with the workload is none of your concern. And for the record, I will remind you that gossip is against company policy, so disciplinary action will be taken if this is discussed with other team members.” Stephanie’s stern face regards Sandra with narrowed eyes out the door.
Light At The End Of The Tunnel
Tim regards Stephanie uncertainly before asking: “So she is behind because of a break-up?”
Tim’s concern makes Stephanie relax before confirming that Maddie’s current situation is impacting her work. Stephanie then continues to explain that she typically intervenes if someone has gone through an emotional crisis and is struggling in that period.
“You are not afraid that people will say that you allow your employees to take advantage of you?” Tim asks.
“No, since it’s rooted in science.”
“What is?” Tim asked in utter bafflement.
Stephanie laughs lightly before continuing. Sometimes she forgets that Tim, while incredibly smart, does not always pay attention to the emotional aspects of other people. It was not that he was rude or uncaring, but rather that he was preoccupied with data and information.
“A break-up, especially one of significance, can have an adverse effect on a person’s brain. HR sent me on training two years ago about how the effect of the trauma of a break-up can cause a person to struggle with their cognitive abilities like memory, paying attention, ability to logically reason, and so forth. A person can also have mild signs of depression, even though they are not clinically depressed.”
Tim was nodding along with her explanation. She could already see the gears of his brain working as he processed what she was saying. She suppressed the urge to laugh again at the utterly adorable expression on his face as he made sense of the new data he was presented with on humankind.
“But it’s not permanent?”
“No, she should be able to work through the pain of the loss, but we can help by taking off some stress and helping her safely organize herself until she can find her way back to herself again.”
“So what do we do?”
“Well, I want to send her home for the rest of the day while you complete and check her report. The rest, I will discuss with her directly. I do not want her to feel like we have been discussing her.” Stephanie concluded.
“No problem, have her email me what she has, and I will get right on it,” Tim said as he stood up to leave.
Stephanie helped Maddie clean and organize her desk before sending her home. Maddie had protested and seemed embarrassed before Stephanie had assured her it was alright. Stephanie had eventually shown Maddie the course information about the effects of a break-up before Maddie had been willing to accept that Stephanie was not treating her any differently than she would treat any employee. Maddie had then opened up that she did not feel herself and felt like she did not care anymore. Stephanie had arranged for HR to set up a meeting with the company psychologist. To help Maddie work through the hard parts and ensure that it does not cause a major depressive episode. Maddie had left looking slightly more optimistic, and Stephanie had felt more at ease. Now, if she only had the simple solution to deal with gossiping busybodies like Sandra…
